A few weeks ago, I had the pleasure and joy of presenting to nearly 300 women leaders in higher education in the state of Wisconsin. I was excited and honored to be asked. The organization is celebrating their 25th anniversary and wanted to talk about reflecting on their successes and ways to set the path going forward.

The fall is here, and it is so wonderful to have crisp air, orange and yellow leaves, and a sense of change coming. Fall is one of my favorite times of year. Mainly because the humidity dies, ha, but mostly because there is a chance to slow down, reflect, and prepare for the rest of winter.

I’m in the middle of a “few” projects right now. Few is in quotes because it is really a boat load. LOL! Yesterday, I was pulling together a very “rough” draft of a chapter. Rough is in quotes because it is really rough as in it will be bleeding when I finish the next edit. LOL!

The last few weeks have been, shall we say, a bit like a cross between whack-a-mole, Pac-Man, and a pinball game. Hey, it isn’t boring, and sometimes it is quite hysterical, so I’ll take it. 😊 I have had several big changes take place for me personally and professionally

This week was a blast with my students. The topic of the week was emotional intelligence. It was incredible to see the eye movements, head nods, and even a few “oh’s” pop up. We did an activity to round out the learning on balancing compassion with accountability.

I’ve noticed something on LinkedIn (and in the professional realm all together): we don’t’ like talking about the negative stuff. Hey, I get it. It’s a hell of a lot more fun to focus on the positive. The science supports a focus on the positive and the positive effects positivity has on our bodies, minds, and souls.

It has been an interesting week or so. I have had the same question (or a variation of it) asked by a handful of clients and students: what do I do as a leader if I have people on my team who will not do what they’re asked, will not follow directions, and refuse to listen to me?

I wrote on Tuesday about how my new year started on 2/1 instead of 1/1. Ooof, those exposed cracks, I won’t lie, they are doozies. Some of them still hurt pretty hard, some make me laugh a lot, and some make me feel strong as hell. In my reflection period,

“Why can’t we do that?” was the question I posed when I last wrote. For the longest time, I have noticed more and more of us saying “No” or “We can’t do that” or “We have a policy so we can’t do that” (ugh, this one annoys me more than most).

This was one of those weeks that on Tuesday just before Noon it felt like Friday afternoon. When I realized what day it was, I laughed. It was a much-needed ab workout for sure. Anyone else losing track of days and time as we work more virtually?!

The Oxford Dictionary defines rejection as dismissing or refusing a proposal or idea or more. It is also defined as the spurning of one’s affections (that one really hurts, eh?!). Most of you are probably thinking about a time that you have been rejected. I am hoping the sting of the hurt is not still lingering, and if so, know you are being held in my thoughts and heart that it heals soon. I want to talk about rejection a little differently. The small ways that rejection hits our worlds, and the ways we reject others without even thinking about it.

Whew, this year continues to lob the surprises, doesn’t it? I have been remiss in keeping up with my writing. When I do not write or keep up with my writing schedule, I find it affects me in odd ways. Writing is my outlet for my research, my problem-solving, my decision-making, and my mind (my journal is big, ha). As I have been thinking about today’s topic, the need to be right, my lack of writing fits in well here. Let me explain.

Last time, I talked about not letting our fears eat our souls. There was such a positive response. I think the reason was the acknowledgment that fear exists, it is real, and it is part of our being. So, why not embrace it, understand it, and work it to our advantage?

At the current moment, there is a lot of fear that we are experiencing. How are you experiencing fear now? In the past? Do you embrace it? Do you run at it head on yelling, “I got this. You can’t beat me!” Do you let it overtake your life and roadblock you? Do you let it eat at your soul?

All of life’s changes bring about uncertainty. Uncertainty brings fear. Fear brings self-protection. Self-protection starts eating at trust, and well, it just spirals from there because we do not understand how change affects people as individuals.

Some call it faith or hope or maybe even magic, but ultimately trust is a key factor in the role of the optimistic individual.

“DUH, Marya. If we had all the information we needed, there wouldn’t be uncertainty.” Ok, ok, that’s true. The more transparent and open with information an organization and leaders can be, the stronger the culture and of course, the stronger the trust among all on the team. If we know this, then why are organizations so protective of information? Why are we not being more transparent in our words, decisions, and actions?

Change and uncertainty create fear, and when that happens, OOOF, the armor goes up. Trust lessens, self-protection gets stronger, teamwork lessens, culture shifts to a more negative space, and more. Sounds so positive, huh? Ha. This isn’t about being negative. It’s about admitting, shit can be scary.

When I’m asked to work with teams regarding change, uncertainty, loss of trust, frustration, etc., I find it absolutely necessary to spend time bringing it back to self-reflection. It frustrates the hell out of a lot of people. “How is this going to help us be successful? I already know who I am. I don’t have time for this shit.”

The end of my 26th semester of teaching (I thought it was 24, whoa) has arrived. The projects, work, reflection, and everything done by my students was some of the most growth-filled learning I’ve seen in a while. The final exam is my favorite, and once again, they knocked it out of the park. There was one theme that emerged the most from all three courses: how much the human aspect is so important to the organization. Oh. Em. Gee!

I had a great time with the last session of my leadership series: Motivation 2020! A great question about dealing with mediocre and low performers was asked, “How do we bring their performance level up?” Good question, and not one with a black or white answer.

Every week with the work I do, life brings challenges and surprises that are exciting 95% of the time and other times make me want to flip everyone the bird, put my jammies on, and hide out in my fort with a glass of wine (not a bad idea any time now that I think about that, ha). This week had both, most definitely.

In our discussion of betrayals we had experienced, I shared my story of organizational exit that started this whole research journey of mine. It was the first time in over 15 years that I felt I had fully let the anger go.

These leaders weren’t looking for an out on investing in their staff or a quick fix for development, but trying to find a way to build trust when turnover for staff who are not full time is normal, and at times higher than normal.

I’ve had to chuckle. My post this week focuses on the importance of our words. Strangely, and hilariously, I keep seeing articles, posts, and comments on how “words matter…” I’m not a religious person, but I do love the way the Universe responds to things you start thinking or writing about a certain topic; it starts showing up everywhere.

I had one of the best strategic planning sessions I have ever had this week. Thirty completely different personalities, so many different types of jobs and focus, and a boat load of fun. We did some dreaming too. We adults seriously need some work in this area.

The elephants of an organization are not its downfall, nor are they always horrible. They become the downfall and toxic mess when we refuse to talk about them or work together to figure out how to calm the elephants down.

If I asked you to define the word “emotion,” how would you? Responses from people are interesting because they step back and go, “Hmmm, never thought about it before.”

She was not taken seriously, she was not heard, and she did not feel valued (and could not trust the organization in any way after this situation). Her choice was easy after not being heard or valued: it was time to leave the company.

What a week! I had some incredible conversations with friends and colleagues who are so pumped about what they do and where they work. It was a delightful treat and made me hopeful and happy.

I’m in the middle of a “few” projects right now. Few is in quotes because it is really a boat load. LOL! Yesterday, I was pulling together a very “rough” draft of a chapter. Rough is in quotes because it is really rough as in it will be bleeding when I finish the next edit. LOL!

The last few weeks have been, shall we say, a bit like a cross between whack-a-mole, Pac-Man, and a pinball game. Hey, it isn’t boring, and sometimes it is quite hysterical, so I’ll take it. 😊 I have had several big changes take place for me personally and professionally

This week was a blast with my students. The topic of the week was emotional intelligence. It was incredible to see the eye movements, head nods, and even a few “oh’s” pop up. We did an activity to round out the learning on balancing compassion with accountability.

It has been an interesting week or so. I have had the same question (or a variation of it) asked by a handful of clients and students: what do I do as a leader if I have people on my team who will not do what they’re asked, will not follow directions, and refuse to listen to me?

I wrote on Tuesday about how my new year started on 2/1 instead of 1/1. Ooof, those exposed cracks, I won’t lie, they are doozies. Some of them still hurt pretty hard, some make me laugh a lot, and some make me feel strong as hell. In my reflection period,

“Why can’t we do that?” was the question I posed when I last wrote. For the longest time, I have noticed more and more of us saying “No” or “We can’t do that” or “We have a policy so we can’t do that” (ugh, this one annoys me more than most).

This was one of those weeks that on Tuesday just before Noon it felt like Friday afternoon. When I realized what day it was, I laughed. It was a much-needed ab workout for sure. Anyone else losing track of days and time as we work more virtually?!

The Oxford Dictionary defines rejection as dismissing or refusing a proposal or idea or more. It is also defined as the spurning of one’s affections (that one really hurts, eh?!). Most of you are probably thinking about a time that you have been rejected. I am hoping the sting of the hurt is not still lingering, and if so, know you are being held in my thoughts and heart that it heals soon. I want to talk about rejection a little differently. The small ways that rejection hits our worlds, and the ways we reject others without even thinking about it.

Whew, this year continues to lob the surprises, doesn’t it? I have been remiss in keeping up with my writing. When I do not write or keep up with my writing schedule, I find it affects me in odd ways. Writing is my outlet for my research, my problem-solving, my decision-making, and my mind (my journal is big, ha). As I have been thinking about today’s topic, the need to be right, my lack of writing fits in well here. Let me explain.

Last time, I talked about not letting our fears eat our souls. There was such a positive response. I think the reason was the acknowledgment that fear exists, it is real, and it is part of our being. So, why not embrace it, understand it, and work it to our advantage?

At the current moment, there is a lot of fear that we are experiencing. How are you experiencing fear now? In the past? Do you embrace it? Do you run at it head on yelling, “I got this. You can’t beat me!” Do you let it overtake your life and roadblock you? Do you let it eat at your soul?

All of life’s changes bring about uncertainty. Uncertainty brings fear. Fear brings self-protection. Self-protection starts eating at trust, and well, it just spirals from there because we do not understand how change affects people as individuals.

Some call it faith or hope or maybe even magic, but ultimately trust is a key factor in the role of the optimistic individual.

“DUH, Marya. If we had all the information we needed, there wouldn’t be uncertainty.” Ok, ok, that’s true. The more transparent and open with information an organization and leaders can be, the stronger the culture and of course, the stronger the trust among all on the team. If we know this, then why are organizations so protective of information? Why are we not being more transparent in our words, decisions, and actions?

Change and uncertainty create fear, and when that happens, OOOF, the armor goes up. Trust lessens, self-protection gets stronger, teamwork lessens, culture shifts to a more negative space, and more. Sounds so positive, huh? Ha. This isn’t about being negative. It’s about admitting, shit can be scary.

When I’m asked to work with teams regarding change, uncertainty, loss of trust, frustration, etc., I find it absolutely necessary to spend time bringing it back to self-reflection. It frustrates the hell out of a lot of people. “How is this going to help us be successful? I already know who I am. I don’t have time for this shit.”

I had a great time with the last session of my leadership series: Motivation 2020! A great question about dealing with mediocre and low performers was asked, “How do we bring their performance level up?” Good question, and not one with a black or white answer.

I was engaged in a conversation with a client this week about the toxicity of his workplace. He was describing how he is trying to find his passion again in a place that is so low on trust in leadership that he’s not sure it will ever return.

Communication is one of the key elements of building trust. Communication is conveying a message or meaning to whomever the message or meaning is intended (Daft, 2015). How does communication become a key element of trust?

I am pretty sure most consultants, leaders, and pretty much everyone on the planet will agree with me that the number one complaint in any organization is “Communication sucks.”

I’m traveling this week to do some intensive training (love deep learning!!). That’s one reason why I’m repeating a post from July. The other is that I am getting close to a crucible moment watching policies and procedures consistently being bypassed, not followed, ignored completely, or “we just make up our own shit.”

Every week with the work I do, life brings challenges and surprises that are exciting 95% of the time and other times make me want to flip everyone the bird, put my jammies on, and hide out in my fort with a glass of wine (not a bad idea any time now that I think about that, ha). This week had both, most definitely.

In our discussion of betrayals we had experienced, I shared my story of organizational exit that started this whole research journey of mine. It was the first time in over 15 years that I felt I had fully let the anger go.

One of the questions my research partner and I ask our participants is “What ‘crucible’ moment led you to determine that there might be no other choice but to leave?”

These leaders weren’t looking for an out on investing in their staff or a quick fix for development, but trying to find a way to build trust when turnover for staff who are not full time is normal, and at times higher than normal.

I’ve had to chuckle. My post this week focuses on the importance of our words. Strangely, and hilariously, I keep seeing articles, posts, and comments on how “words matter…” I’m not a religious person, but I do love the way the Universe responds to things you start thinking or writing about a certain topic; it starts showing up everywhere.

If I asked you to define the word “emotion,” how would you? Responses from people are interesting because they step back and go, “Hmmm, never thought about it before.”

She was not taken seriously, she was not heard, and she did not feel valued (and could not trust the organization in any way after this situation). Her choice was easy after not being heard or valued: it was time to leave the company.

Why is it so hard to talk about the tough stuff in our organizations? Why is it that I see leaders constantly painting a rainbow picture of their leadership and organizations when it’s more like a toxic waste dump?

I have had some very insightful conversations the last week about procedures as contracts. I define procedures as anything your organization uses to guide the organizational processes. Some organizations define them as policies, SOP’s, procedures, etc. Some talked about how procedures are boring. This was one was my favorite because they weren’t wrong, sometimes procedures are boring, but oh so necessary.