Actions speak louder than words. All of us have this seared on our brain (I hope!). The funny thing is that statement is spot on. People need to believe and be willing to act upon our words, actions, and decisions. That is trust. Do what we say we are going to do is the start, but I believe it goes beyond keeping our word.
I have been writing and researching the subject of trust for the last decade. In the last few years I have seen how relationships grow and thrive because of trust, this is one of the most crucial pieces of a successful relationship. Some of you probably just went, “Well duh, Marya.” Some of you may have laughed as well. I did. I laughed because as I write and research about trust, I also reflect deeply on my own words, actions, and decisions. This isn’t just a topic I learn and teach, it is a topic I want to grow and improve. In that reflection, I’ve become much more alert to how our actions affect the growth of trust. Keeping our word is one piece of the growth of trust. Our actions speak a lot louder than our words, and again, we have forgotten how important this is in our personal and professional relationships.
This last week was an amazing week for me personally and professionally: a lot of progress with my goals, connections with good friends, editing a book chapter, and new learning and growth for me (and my students!). It was also one of the most disheartening in the last year because of the actions of a group that is part of an organization I consult with. They eroded my trust in them…and broke my heart in some ways. A long story short, there is a member of the team the group does not like, so in essence, the group hatched a plan to ensure this person would be pushed out of the organization. It isn’t that this person being pushed didn’t make mistakes, and maybe this person is not a good fit for the team. That happens. It’s that the actions of the group were filled with disrespect, lack of compassion, and violate the spirit of what it means to be team members and colleagues. I see this with organizations over and over. It’s hard to coach people. It’s hard to help people improve. It’s hard to take the time to develop others. It’s hard to build successful relationships. And yet, it is one of the most vital pieces of success for an organization, the relationships…the people. Oh, it’s true. I don’t know the complete story (several in this group confided in me for advice, I’m sure you can guess what I suggested, this was not it). As I talked last week, patience, empathy, and compassion are at the forefront of my thoughts on this situation. However, a hard-working team member will not be returning to this group. The actions that put this in motion were sad, disrespectful, and disheartening.
As leaders and team members, we need to remind ourselves that our actions speak so much louder than our words, directly and indirectly. There are a lot of things we will be up against that we won’t like. Sometimes it will be the people we work with and for, other times it will be the processes that seem like roadblocks (that’s a whole other conversation we will have over the summer). Sometimes it will be the crazy goals that get set that are so challenging, they challenge us in ways that push us to do things we wouldn’t normally do. This is the test. How will we act when we don’t like a person, process, or challenge? Will we act in a way that continues to grow trust?
I am not giving up on this group. I am a bit heartbroken, but I always have hope for repair and growth. The actions of this group have changed my level of trust. The actions of this group have also reminded me that my own actions can grow or erode trust that others have in me. I’m going to be more mindful of this today…and always.
What actions have others taken that have grown or eroded your trust in them? I hope you’ll reflect this week on your own actions and how they build trust with others, personally and professionally. And, I hope you’ll always keep in mind patience, empathy, and compassion as you take action. Share your thoughts with me.