It has been a while since I have written, and my posting schedule is like a stock market weekly report these days…up and way down and up again. It is not boring in my neck of the woods for sure. COVID-19 and absolutely needed social changes have played a big part, but so have a lot of life changes. One year ago I returned from Europe and everything – literally everything – started changing. Some good, some not so good, and some pretty bad. All of this change has brought me to today though. There were times I wanted to give up completely: quit my job, stop talking to anyone, move, cut everyone off. I am so very glad I did not. The changes I experienced created a lot of challenges for me. The fear and uncertainty? Ha, so much and sometimes intense. The best part? Those challenges, fear, and uncertainty also came with incredible opportunity, learning, and growth.
All of life’s changes bring about uncertainty. Uncertainty brings fear. Fear brings self-protection. Self-protection starts eating at trust, and well, it just spirals from there because we do not understand how change affects people as individuals. Without understanding how change affects individuals, we see organizations and the people who make up those organizations struggle and struggle hard. This struggle can have a multitude of reasons, but uncertainty is where it starts. It’s hard to push forward toward success without understanding how change affects individuals. Let me explain.
Any change that appears before us – negative and positive – requires that we lose something in order to get something else. When we lose something, we grieve. That grieving process is short-lived for some, and for others it can be a dreadful period of days, weeks, months, and sometimes years to commit to the change that as appeared before us. Why? Our life experiences affect how we see the change presented to us. Have you ever wondered why someone’s reaction to a situation shocked you? “Why are you freaking out so much?” “Why are you so sad?” “Why are you so damn happy about this?” It’s the baggage and fear we bring into seeing the change and uncertainty, not the change itself. That fear is REAL, and we need to be a hell of a lot kinder to each other, especially now.
Our fears of the unknown road block us hard. Self-protection can hold us back, impede our success, and make us do some pretty strange things, sometimes not very kind or compassionate.
Leaders: You MUST start showing compassion for people, the individual. I know there is an organization to run, goals to meet, and expectations to manage. You cannot lose sight of why people are resisting change and uncertainty. Fear is REAL, stop ignoring it and help your team embrace that fear and kick those road blocks out of the way.
Team: You MUST remember to take care of yourself. Remember that organizations need to survive for everyone, so it is vital for you to play your part and hold yourself accountable to your work. Reach out, ask for help, and let people know how you are. We cannot read minds, and we don’t know your story, so we can only try to understand, especially when your reaction to change is different than ours. Note: this is not a requirement that you share details about your past, just that this is hard for you.
For everyone, your fear is real. I will do everything I can to support you. However, your fear does not give you carte blanche to be an ass to me or anyone. The way we treat each other during uncertainty is so very important and it MUST include a level of compassion for everyone’s fear, not just yours. We are in this together, whether you like it or not. Let us be more kind, more supportive, and more compassionate while we all navigate change, uncertainty, and fear.
Embrace the changes in front of you. Embrace the fear and uncertainty. The opportunities from these challenges will surprise you in some of the best ways ever.
I look forward to returning to a regular update. I’ve been working on some amazing new research, projects, and incredible work. I am excited to share with you. Do know I am here to support you through coaching and mentoring if your fear is taking a strong hold. Reach out, let me help you find that opportunity during your time of change.
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Jeff Brown writes a lot about trauma. I have been speaking with so many people during this intense time of global and social change. I ask that all of us remember that we all have stories, trauma, fear, and hurt. These changes are bringing out a lot of fear and intense reactions. Let us show kindness and compassion.
“I try to remember how much courage it takes for abuse victims to return to a state of trust in this world. This is no game, and often takes every ounce of energy and faith one can muster. Trauma is not simply a concept or an idea of something. It is a deeply embodied experience of suffering that fastens itself tightly to the cellular (and soulular) structure of every person who is victimized. It embeds itself as somatized memory, and it cannot be wished away or bypassed with positive affirmations and victim bashing mantras. It just can’t. I often hear people telling others ‘to get on with it,’ ‘let it go,’ and ‘stop playing the victim.’ This languaging adds insult to injury, and is both counter-productive and victimizing. Yes, we don’t want to hang onto trauma as identity for the rest of it, but it is far worse to pretend it isn’t there. The heal is for real, and that healing can only happen in a compassionate and patient environment. May we support those who have been traumatized (which is most of humanity, in my estimation) with an exquisite depth of presence and understanding. Trust me, it will serve us all.”
Jeff Brown, author of Soulshaping