What a week! I had some incredible conversations with friends and colleagues who are so pumped about what they do and where they work. It was a delightful treat and made me hopeful and happy. Comments like, “I am so valued here,” “My boss trusts me and appreciates me,” and “The people I work with are amazing” were repeated (in like form) in multiple conversations. Awesome! Unfortunately, I also heard comments on the opposite end of the spectrum from others. These people told me, “This place is a toxic mess,” “There’s so much hostility here that no one trusts each other,” and (my favorite), “I work with morons for leaders.” I won’t lie, that one made me laugh. I am so grateful for all of these conversations because they remind me how vitally important compassion and kindness are to the success of any team or organization.
I keep hearing from leaders that “My job is to make money” or “I’m not here to be everyone’s friend.” Pardon my language, but “No shit, Sherlock.” Of course, your organization needs to make money, meet goals and objectives, and ensure customer expectations are met and exceeded. We all know that. But how in the world have we come to a place where we have to be jerks to get it done? Because honestly, that is where many organizations, big and small, are at.
Last week, I expanded a bit on the psychological contract in the workplace: “We will trust in each other to be respectful of each other.” In our research, every single person that my partner and I interviewed talked about how they felt betrayed, let down, not valued, dismissed, pushed aside, or lied to . . . and the list goes on. The common denominator is people have felt disrespected. As we have continued to review the comments, we find that the lack of respect is coming from all levels of the organization - not just leaders. There is such a lack of compassion and kindness coming from the person who is breaking the psychological contract. Although a few cases we heard about involved intentional betrayal, in the vast majority of the stories, the villain didn’t realize they were being a jerk.
Compassion and kindness in the workplace is NOT about giving everyone what they want, ignoring poor behavior, or lowering standards. Compassion and kindness is looking at your colleague and realizing, “You are different from me in many ways. It’s important that I listen to you and hear you. It’s important that I understand what is happening to you is your lived experience.” Just because someone sees the world differently than you, does not make them wrong. In fact, it’s an opportunity to learn and grow.
We, as leaders and colleagues, must get back to a place where not only is the job getting done, but that we are honoring the relationships in the workplace, respecting others and the diversity they bring to our organization. No one is asking you to kiss someone’s ass or make sure they are happy all of the time. What is being asked is that we respect each other and treat each other with kindness and compassion . . . In short, the way we want to be treated.
What conversations have you heard this week about workplaces? Are they positive? Negative? What are your thoughts? I’d love to hear them.