So, before my National Lampoons European Vacation, I started the conversation about psychological contracts. Since returning from Europe, I have been much more attentive to just listening and watching. It involves everything from strangers to people I know to interactions between people in e-mails to stories I’m told…pretty much everything. Being away from home was better for me than I thought. What I have noticed, especially with the work interactions, is just how REAL psychological contracts are and how very important they are to the success of relationships and organizations, even more than I originally thought. Psychological contracts are those unwritten agreements in how we will treat each other (at least the 30K foot definition). I fully believe this is the most important contract we can shake hands on.
How we treat each other is an important piece to the relationship and building of trust. The team you work with becomes a big part of your life. For some of us, those on the team become our friends. In the research my partner and I do, our participants described many times how the people they worked with had become like family (which made it hard for them to leave). As individuals on a team, we have to be able to believe and be willing to act upon their words, actions, and decisions. The psychological contract says “I agree to put my trust in you, and you agree to put your trust in me.” Is it an easy contract to maintain? It should be. Unfortunately, in the day-to-day grind, we lose focus and forget that we work with humans who have needs, wants, and desires…just like us. Our research has shown one consistent theme in every interview we complete, intentional and unintentional betrayal is at the heart of why people leave their organizations. The psychological contract had been breached and broken, they were disrespected, not valued, bullied, and so on.
I get push back sometimes, “Marya, this is all based on an individual’s perception. I can’t please everyone, and honestly, that is not my job.” Ooof, that last comment, especially coming from leaders, is a tough one to hear. I won’t deny that psychological contracts are very much based on our perceptions of the agreements. My response to this statement is usually, “Yes, and what you need to understand is that perception is someone’s lived experience. It’s important to them. And, while you can’t please everyone, as leaders (even teammates), it’s important that we hear that person and work to understand their needs, wants, and desires.” Again, this is not to say that leaders must worry about pleasing everyone, that will never happen. But the whole idea of “I don’t have time for this shit…”, the “shit” is the stuff that psychological contracts are made. They help us listen, hear, see, and be cognizant of others needs, wants, and desires. Leaders and teammates must understand that this is a very important piece to the puzzle of success for organizations. We’ll never get it perfect…we’re human. But, great leaders will understand that the psychological contract is just as important as the work contract we physically sign and come to agreement.
I’ve said this before, I don’t think any of us intend on getting up each day to be jerks (ok, some do). I believe we get up and want to go out and add value and make a difference. And then, life happens. We don’t always treat others poorly intentionally, but it happens. The really great thing about great leaders and teammates is that we acknowledge when we have betrayed or broken that psychological contract. We work to repair broken relationships, rebuild that trust, be kinder.
It is my goal to get us to think more about how compassion and kindness play a role in the success of organizations. The research I read consistently says compassion and kindness play a huge role. My own heart and soul tell me the same. I’d love to see these two nouns become used more as verbs. I’d like to have us pay more attention to those psychological contracts. I’d just like us to pay more attention to how we treat people. Imagine a place like that to work…and live.
What are your thoughts?! I’d love to hear them.