One of the questions my research partner and I ask our participants is “What ‘crucible’ moment led you to determine that there might be no other choice but to leave?” Crucible moments are those transformative, unplanned events that change your sense or identity of the world (Bennis & Thomas, 2002). Many times they are traumatic, but could also be defined as a silver lining (as many of our participants agreed, after time). The more we dig into the data, the more we realize that yes, the majority of our participants had a crucible moment that made them say, “That’s it. I’m out of here. I can’t take this anymore.” What is more interesting though is that all of our participants definitely experienced what we called crucible momentum, transformative events over a period of time leading to their decision to exit the organization. These transformative events weren’t huge, sometimes weren’t felt hard or negatively, but definitely had an impact on their trust of the organization. These transformative events were betrayals – both intentional and unintentional - over time.
Early in my career, I experienced a crucible moment with an organization I worked, the best and worst job I had had up to that point in my life. So many huge successes were had when I was there, and at the same time I experienced some of the most unethical, narcissistic, fearful, and horrible leadership and culture I had ever seen. My decision was so easy to make because the crucible moment was that intense and definitely traumatic. What I didn’t realize at the time was that there was crucible momentum taking place right up to my decision point. Small betrayals of trust happening over a period of about a year, small transformative events. Miscommunications, not sharing of information, asking me to violate procedures-policies to meet numbers, making decisions without consulting me (I was responsible for all of the operations of this organization), and more were happening. I made my choice to leave – my crucible moment - because I could no longer trust anyone, felt completely betrayed, and felt so unvalued that there was no ability to repair this, at least at the time.
Over the last three months, I have seen a lot of crucible momentum going on with clients and groups that I consult and advise. I have also been experiencing crucible momentum personally and professionally. Little things keep happening that are chipping away at the trust in the people around them as well as the organization. What’s crazier is how others are responding to these “little” transformative events. “Calm down.” “It’s not a big deal.” “We have bigger fish to fry.” “Don’t be a complainer or you’ll be seen as someone who is not a team player.” “We don’t have time for this shit.” See where I’m going with this? It’s the little things that lead to crucible moments for individuals. It’s why when they make the decision to leave, many of us are so surprised. “It really wasn’t a big deal. Why did they overreact and leave?” Communication issues betray trust. Violating procedures and policies because we don’t like them or don’t like someone else betrays trust. Not caring about how our colleagues are doing makes people feel unvalued and not heard. Not holding others to their expectations betrays trust. The little things that we take for granted every day create a crucible momentum that, if we are not more observant, can push our best performers out the door.
The spiritual side of myself works hard to focus and put my energy toward things I can change and affect in a positive manner. I’ll fully admit that I let a lot of things slide because I only have so much energy in a day to fight some of these battles and little things. And sometimes, it really is not worth the conflict (there are times when avoiding conflict is a most reasonable choice). Sometimes I worry about not sweating the small stuff though. I wonder how much I help contribute to the crucible momentum of someone else. I know I won’t always get it right, I’m human dontcha know?!
What I can do, knowing what I know about crucible moments and momentum, is do my best daily to create a space that makes those around me feel valued and heard. I can continue to bring up new ides and opportunities for improvement, even when I know they might not be heard or valued (talk about vulnerability!). I can hold others to expectation with compassion and kindness (not everyone is an asshole when they screw up, keep that in mind). I can communicate and behave in a way that ensures people can trust me and believe me to be a resource for growth and development. Will I get it right all the time? Nope. Will I be able to keep a crucible moment from happening to others? Not all the time. No one person or organization can be perfect for everyone. But, when I infuse compassion, kindness, ethics, and respect into everything I do, I can earn the trust of others and in turn, create a space where others can thrive, be productive, and enjoy.
Your thoughts? Please share, I’d love to hear them!
Bennis, W.G., & Thomas, R.J. (2002). Geeks and geezers: How era, values, and defining moments shape leadership. Boston, MA: Harvard Business School Press.
Crucibles of Leadership in HBR: https://hbr.org/2002/09/crucibles-of-leadership